The Game Within the Game: Where Compete Ends and Character Begins

A Note to the Reader

This piece is part of an exploration of competition, ethics, and the often uncomfortable space between the two.

In hockey, we like to pretend the game is clean—that it’s only about skill, effort, and systems.

But anyone who has played or coached long enough knows that isn’t true. Hockey is emotional. It’s physical. It’s imperfect. It’s played by humans under pressure. That’s why grey areas exist. That’s why gamesmanship exists. And that’s why what happens beneath the surface of the game matters just as much as what shows up on the scoresheet.

This article explores where those grey areas genuinely live, how they change by age and level, and how they can be navigated responsibly—without losing sight of what the game is meant to teach.

The companion piece, Beyond Gamesmanship: The Coach Who Bragged About Cheating for a Championship, looks at what happens when someone doesn’t just step into the grey area, but blows past it entirely - confusing cleverness with cheating, and winning with meaning.

Together, these articles ask not just how we compete, but what kind of people the sport is shaping us to be.

The Game Within the Game: Where Compete Ends and Character Begins

There is the game everyone sees.

The puck.

The goals.

The hits.

The line changes.

The whistles.

And then there is the game within the game.

The subtle stuff. The stuff that doesn’t show up on a scoresheet. The micro-decisions made between whistles. The body language. The timing of a bump. The way you finish a check. The way you stand in a goalie’s sightline just long enough to be irritating but not long enough to get called.

This second game has always existed. Anyone who tells you otherwise either hasn’t played long enough, hasn’t played high enough, or is lying.

But just because it exists doesn’t mean it’s simple.

And just because it can give you an edge doesn’t mean everything inside it is ethical, healthy, or something we should be teaching young players.

That’s where things get complicated.

Because somewhere between “playing hard” and “breaking the rules” lives a grey area that every serious hockey player eventually has to navigate.

And how we talk about that grey area matters.

The Old Line - and What It Was Really Saying

There’s an old quote that still floats around the game:

“If you can’t beat ’em in the alley, you can’t beat ’em on the ice.” - Conn Smythe

Depending on who’s saying it, that line is either wisdom or a warning.

It often gets used as permission. Permission to be mean. Permission to be dirty. Permission to confuse intimidation with competitiveness.

But that’s not what it really meant.

It was about resilience.

About resolve.

About not shrinking when things got uncomfortable.

The alley was never about cheap shots.

It was never about stick work.

It was never about cruelty.

The alley is pressure.

Fatigue.

Doubt.

Unfairness.

Adversity.

If you can’t stay composed there, you won’t stay composed on the ice.

That is the real meaning.

And that is the heart of the game within the game.

Sometimes the Game Within the Game Is Breaking the Rules

Here’s an uncomfortable truth.

Sometimes the game within the game does involve breaking the rules.

Not bending them.

Breaking them.

A deliberate hook to stop a breakaway.

A clutch late in a tie game.

A trip when you’re beat.

At higher levels, players understand that sometimes short-term pain is accepted in exchange for long-term gain.

You take the penalty.

You kill it.

You reset.

That doesn’t make it morally right, but it makes it real.

The danger comes when this logic is imported into youth hockey without context, maturity, or boundaries.

A 22-year-old understands that calculation.

A 9-year-old does not.

Same action.

Completely different meaning.

Bending Rules vs. Breaking Them

There is a difference between bending the rules and breaking them.

Bending the rules is understanding how the game is officiated, not just how it’s written.

It’s knowing what referees usually call and what they usually don’t.

It’s understanding timing, score, and flow.

It’s leaning instead of cross-checking.

It’s angling instead of tripping.

It’s lifting a stick instead of slashing it.

Breaking the rules is something else.

That’s deliberate cheating.

That’s trying to injure.

That’s exploiting loopholes.

That’s targeting.

That’s diving.

Those aren’t “smart.”

They aren’t “veteran.”

They aren’t “part of the game.”

They’re shortcuts.

And shortcuts always come with a cost.

What Grey Areas Actually Look Like

Grey areas are not universal. They are situational, level-dependent, and purpose-driven. If they don’t serve a hockey purpose, they’re not grey—they’re just bad habits.

Strategic Penalties

At higher levels, a defender might take a penalty to prevent a sure goal.

This is math.

Risk vs. reward.

Short-term pain for long-term gain.

But at youth levels, this becomes panic, not strategy.

Grey area? Yes - only when the player understands the cost.

The Goalie “Equipment Malfunction”

Your team is trapped.

You’re gassed.

You’re under siege.

You’re out of timeouts.

A strap suddenly “comes loose.”

At high levels, this is game management.

At youth levels, it teaches loopholes instead of conditioning, shift management, and puck placement.

Net-Front Presence

Legal:

• Taking away sightlines

• Holding your ice

• Body positioning

Illegal:

• Cross-checks

• Slashes

• Goalie contact

At high levels, this is craft.

At youth levels, it should be minimal.

Finishing Checks

Legal:

• Through the body

• Puck-focused

• Balanced

Illegal:

• Late

• High

• From behind

Teaching kids to “make it hurt” is not toughness.

It’s ego.

Pushing an Opponent Offside

Subtle.

Nonviolent.

Positional.

At higher levels, this is awareness.

At youth levels, it becomes sloppiness.

Faceoff Encroachment

Inches.

Leverage.

Timing.

At high levels, this is chess.

At youth levels, it should be about technique.

Chirping

What belongs:

• Confidence

• Assertiveness

What doesn’t:

• Personal attacks

• Slurs

• Threats

The real edge isn’t chirping.

It’s being immune to chirps.

Chirping as Distraction

Some players try to pull focus away from the puck.

This is real.

But if your game only works when others lose control, it isn’t strong.

Playing Until the Whistle

Legal:

• Competing

• Positioning

Illegal:

• After-whistle nonsense

If your identity is chaos, you’re not competitive.

You’re unfocused.

Self-Control Is Not the Same as Submission

This matters.

Too many players hear “be composed” and think it means:

Don’t stand up for yourself.

Don’t push back.

Don’t assert presence.

That’s not what this means.

Sometimes the game within the game is about making sure you are not bullied, isolated, or taken advantage of.

That doesn’t mean escalating chaos.

It means setting boundaries.

It means presence.

The goal is not to be passive.

The goal is to be unmovable.

Initiate, Don’t Retaliate

Not instigate.

Initiate.

Initiate means:

• You choose the response

• You dictate emotional tempo

• You stay in control

Retaliation means they’ve already won.

There’s another old saying:

Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty - and the pig likes it.

If someone is trying to turn the game into chaos and you join them, you’ve already lost.

The goal isn’t to live rent-free in someone else’s head.

The goal is to make sure no one lives rent-free in yours.

Different Levels, Different Standards

Different levels of hockey are different games.

A U9 game and a junior playoff game are not the same sport.

Youth hockey should have very little of the game within the game.

Not more.

Less.

Youth coaches must be taught this - and held accountable.

Wearing Different Hats

I’ve coached multiple levels in the same season.

What I allow with a 10-year-old should not be what I allow with a 19-year-old.

That’s not inconsistency.

That’s professionalism.

Coaches and the Grey Area

Sometimes the grey area isn’t just players.

It’s coaches.

Sometimes coaches step right up to the line - not to manipulate, but to protect their players, to advocate, and to send a clear message:

You are safe here. You are supported.

Sometimes that looks like challenging a referee.

Sometimes it looks like confronting an opposing coach.

Sometimes it looks like stepping in when a fan crosses a line.

That matters.

There’s another layer people don’t always acknowledge:

Sometimes a coach questions an official not because of the current call—but because of the next one.

Not to bully.

Not to embarrass.

But to set boundaries.

To manage the environment.

To protect how the rest of the game will be officiated.

That isn’t about winning arguments.

It’s about protecting your players.

But this too has a line.

Advocacy must not become entitlement.

Protection must not become permission.

Support must not become excuse-making.

Sometimes coaches use controlled discomfort to prepare players.

Tough practices.

High standards.

Pressure simulations.

That’s not cruelty.

That’s preparation.

But if your players fear you instead of trusting you, you’ve crossed the line.

Pressure should build capacity—not compliance.

The Agenda Filter

This is the simplest rule in hockey—and the hardest to follow:

If it doesn’t help the team, don’t do it.

Not every battle is yours.

Not every provocation deserves a response.

Not every moment is about ego.

If your reaction hurts your team, it’s the wrong reaction.

Even if it feels justified.

The Real Advantage

The biggest competitive advantage in hockey isn’t rule-bending.

It’s self-control.

Players who don’t lose their minds don’t take bad penalties.

Players who don’t chirp don’t get distracted.

Players who don’t retaliate stay on the ice.

Players who don’t fake it earn trust.

That’s an edge.

A real one.

And it lasts.

Final Thought

The game within the game isn’t going anywhere.

But how we teach it determines whether it becomes a tool for growth—or a shortcut to nowhere.

Hockey doesn’t just reveal character.

It shapes it.

And that’s not a small thing.

Ed Garinger is a seasoned hockey coach, mentor, and educator with over two decades of experience. A native of the Bruce Peninsula, he played minor and junior hockey before earning his BA and BEd from Nipissing University, where he also competed in varsity volleyball and extramural hockey.

Coaching since age 14, Ed has balanced his teaching career with an extensive coaching and development portfolio, working with players at all levels. He has coached in the Provincial Junior Hockey League, led youth and high school teams, and served as a learning facilitator for the OMHA. His experience includes elite programs like the OHL/OHF U15 and U16 camps, U17 Regional Camps, and Hockey Canada’s Skills Academy.

A Hockey Canada HP1-certified coach, USA Hockey-certified coach, and Chartered Professional Coach (ChPC), Ed is committed to ongoing professional development and continually seeks to expand his knowledge to better serve players and coaches. Now based in Orillia, he enjoys passing on his passion for hockey to the next generation.